i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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