saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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