Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
