Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
