He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
