So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
