3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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