I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
