Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
