One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
