Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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