So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Randomize
