go do what you do best...puke behind churches
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
