Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Randomize
