In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I think I died a long time ago.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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