hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
