Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
