Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
