Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
