do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
