He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
