No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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