I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
