Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
