help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
