I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
