The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
