I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
