Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
