i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize