The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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