I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
