is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
