i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
