I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
