I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
