you have to choose: penises or morals?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize