So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
