Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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