I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
