Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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