So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
