u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
