Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
