I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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