Someone shit on the floor
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
