Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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