Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
