i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
