I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
