You just made me feel so damn special
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize