with your own penis?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
