Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
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