I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
