i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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