i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
