he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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