She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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