I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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