We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
