She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize