I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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