She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize