is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
