you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
