Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
