we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
