I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
