I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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