some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize