my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
