Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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