Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I currently don't understand fingers.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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