I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
