Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
