Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My vagina is officially offended.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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